Graceful Ways to Receive a Gift
Are You a Good Recipient of Gifts? How do you react when you receive a gift? Do you break through the wrappings like an excited child to see what it is? Do you carefully remove the tape and fold the wrapping paper for re-use, and methodically examine every detail of a gift before you say anything to the giver? Or, do you try to refuse unexpected gifts, and pull back because –
Well, why exactly, would you refuse a gift? I can think of a few reasons. See if any of these resonate with you:
1. Some gifts seem to be intended as charity, and your pride tells you, “I am NOT a charity case.”
2. Some gifts are so wonderful that you feel you can never give that person a comparable gift in return. You don’t want to be seen as the poorer, needy cousin. By declining it, you think you are keeping the ground level between you.
3. Maybe the gift comes with some strings attached. Accepting the gift will mean that you have a special bond with that person - and you may not be ready for that level of friendship. An example would be a boyfriend who gives you an expensive gift, hoping to persuade you to commit to marriage. If you are not ready I agree. Much as the gift may be attractive to you - say, “no thank you.”
We should not blindly accept every gift. Some might be a bribe, and some might be downright unethical. However, I believe there are many people who have trouble accepting a gift because of pride, or because no one has ever shown them that there are graceful ways to receive a gift.
It has occurred to me more than once, that although I want to be a generous giver of gifts, the Lord may, in His wisdom, be bringing me through a long period of being the recipient of gifts, so that I will learn some important lessons in giving from the other end - the recipient.
If someone’s presentation of a gift makes me feel small and like “poor cousins” from across the tracks, then maybe I need to learn from that negative lesson, how to give in a more thoughtful, gracious way. A way that leaves the recipient’s pride in tact. I used to think an anonymous gift was the solution, but through experience I’ve learned that is not always the case. It can scare the recipient into the wildest imaginings.
Gifts, like love, should be given openly, and the thanks given sincerely as soon as possible. It is a relational transaction. If left incomplete, it only gives rise to more problems in the relationship.
On the other hand, sometimes the giver means well, and really wants to show love but is tentative in the presentation, afraid of being rejected. This has happened so many times that I now make a point of being enthusiastic about most if not all gifts from givers like that. The gift may not be very useful to me, but I can see the giver has invested of her or himself, and the cruelest thing would be to reject that gift. I am giving something valuable too, when I receive it with thanksgiving, and take time to send a thank you note afterwards.
Money gifts are almost a topic alone. Some hesitate to give them, thinking they will be cold and impersonal. In some circumstances they can be, but that is tied to the relationship the giver and receiver have to each other.
I have found money gifts to be a tremendous blessing. I receive more of them, since coming a missionary status, but I used to get some during my years as a caregiver for my parents too. Instead of having more unuseful (to me) gifts for my stash to give to others, I can buy things that I really need, or put some money gifts together for a larger item.
Although I have much to learn yet about both receiving and giving gifts, I am paying attention, and trying to practice better methods as I learn them. Perhaps the most important one, is to acknowledge a gift with a verbal thank you when possible, and also a written one. It makes the giver feel like they did the right thing, and perhaps they will give more readily in the future to us - or to others.
For a while I thought it was important to tell them how I had used their gift, but then I got some with instructions attached - this was for myself alone and not for me to give to others, or to spend on my business. Well, I do my best to follow that instruction, but I’m learning that I don’t always need to give great detail in saying how their gift was a great blessing to me.
One more thing. I vowed at one time that I would not go around begging or hinting for gifts, but would receive anything (when ethical) offered to me as a gift from the Lord. This has brought about the marvelous feature of the Lord prompting people to offer me gifts when I have a need that I have not mentioned to them. It adds a touch of the miraculous to the gifts I receive.
Again, that teaches me that when I have funds in hand, and He prompts me to give to someone else in need, that I not hesitate to obey and do so as quickly as I can. It’s a chance to be the hand of God’s provision in someone’s needy situation. I do it quietly, privately, without flaunting it before others, and God in turn meets my needs as they arise. What wonderful balance!