“The RoseBouquet”

Daniel and three of his friends, all assumed to be in their teens, had been captured in Judah and taken to Babylon. The king recognized that these young men already had some education, but he wanted them trained in the culture, language and mores of his country and then assigned to important governing posts.

Being uprooted and carried off to a new country might have been scary for one, but since they were together, these friends made it something of an adventure. They kept their heads and learned to cope. Their friendship was a vital factor.

Daniel, it seems was a fearless, natural leader, but Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah supported him, and together they were stronger than a four-strand braided rope.

When the king thought to honour and impress them by sending food and drink from his own table to these boys, Daniel took a look and recalled training at home in healthy foods according to God’s laws. He negotiated with the official in charge of them, to do a test for ten days, giving them only raw vegetables and water instead of the greasy meats, gravies, pastries and wines. The test proved his point; they were brighter and healthier. So they were allowed to
continue with a healthy diet.

Some years later, by God’s grace, and in answer to the concerted prayers of his friends, Daniel was able to know and explain to King Nebuchadnezzar, his dream of the huge statue made of different materials. As it turns out, that dream summarizes the rise and fall of all the empires of world history!

Unfortunately, it all went to the king’s head. He ordered a huge golden statute of himself to be made, and then he wanted all his subjects to fall down and worship it.

Daniel may have been busy with official duties, but his three friends were in the crowd that was to fall down and worship the idol. They showed their own strength of character by refusing to do so, believing that to be a great dishonour to the One True God. They were confident God could deliver them from the fiery furnace, but even if He did not, they were not about to deny their God. This became another opportunity for God to be glorified.

The soldiers who bound and threw the three friends into the furnace were overcome and died from the extreme heat. Yet, as the king stared into the furnace, he saw four men walking about in the fire, and one of them, he was convinced was God Himself! So he called them to come out.

The three men came out, and everyone was astonished to see that the fire had not harmed their bodies, nor was a hair on their heads singed, and their clothes were not scorched. There was not even a smell of fire on them! This converted King Nebuchadnezzar to faith in God. He commanded everyone everywhere to worship this much greater God.

These true stories prove the greatness of God, but also reinforce what we learned in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. “Two are better than one…. and a cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” So another key lesson is the importance of standing together with our friends. On our own we will lack courage and fail, but you can overcome the world if you have a good friend or two standing firm with you!

Of course, that implies that when your friend seems to be standing alone, you will go stand with him or her too.

[Note: if you missed any articles in this series of article on Friendships in the Bible, and want to read them, you'll find them all linked from this index which is about Friendship]

There is a lovely passage on friendship in the book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible. It is attributed to King Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, short of the Lord Jesus Himself, the Son of God. It reads;

Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down, his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.”
(Ecclesiastes 4:7-12 NIV)

Such basic and key thoughts about friendship!

Friends are meant to help one another when we fail, and we all do fail at various times in different ways. So a person without a friend is truly at a huge disadvantage.

The image of being able to lie down and keep each other warm can be seen in more ways than just a marriage bed for a couple. Emotionally and spiritually as well as physically, when friends are mutually bonded in love and respect, they will warm or encourage and strengthen one another. Each is ready to go on because of the support from the other.

Courage is greatly increased too if friends stand together. Opponents cannot so easily defeat a united unit of two as one standing all alone.

These are perhaps the best reasons for forming any friendship bond. We all want someone to help us when in trouble, to warm and encourage us, and stand with us against our enemies.

Just think back to any friendship or even a small alliance you have had since you were a toddler. If you were to analyze them, you would find that you were attracted to and bonded with those who were willing to help you out, or who encouraged and praised you, or who joined sides with you in any conflict with someone else. There were no long ceremonies, you just became friends – whether instantly or gradually doesn’t matter.

In your primary years you learned to call these people your friends. Young girls particularly, tend to grade and include or exclude friends all according to their various definitions. The girls are refining their senses and standards regarding relationships. By the time they are in their teens they are often quite intuitive about who makes a good friend and who does not, and once they have latched onto one male friend, they close themselves off to most others.

However, there are always some who don’t reach out. Even as adults, some loners never quite get the art of winning and keeping friends. I wonder if that is because they are too self-absorbed?

Notice that Solomon says in this Ecclesiastes passage, that a friend helps a friend up, and they warm one another when lying down together, and they stand together in battle. Obviously then, to have a friend you must do these things for another. You must help someone falling down, be warm and encouraging to someone alone, and join someone in a battle against a common enemy. If you initiate these towards someone else, I think it will be hard for that person
not to gratefully claim you as a friend.

On the other hand, if you already have friends who do these things for you, be sure to return the favours and be a friend to them too. Don’t just soak up friendship without helping, encouraging and fighting alongside your friends too.

[Note: if you missed any articles in this series of article on Friendships in the Bible, and want to read them, you’ll find them all linked from this index which is about Friendship

When we are in misery we dearly want friends to confide in, and we want them to empathize or at least sympathize with us. Sometimes we’ll settle for just having others in the same predicament so we don’t have to suffer alone.

When Job, a rich and godly patriarch in the Bible was suddenly hit by one calamity after another, including the sudden death of all ten of his children, four of his friends showed up to sit with him in the ash heap, where he was scraping his painful boils with pieces of broken pottery. (Ashes were considered clean and useful for healing at some point in the past, so this might have been a medical procedure).

Somewhat like when you are in the Intensive Care Ward in a hospital, people come to stare and whisper to each other about your chances of surviving, I suspect Job’s friends sat in awe and silence. They were speechless for seven days and seven nights. The Bible says they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. All but the death wail, it would appear, so they must have really thought he was dying.

But then Job spoke up and wished he had never been born, expressing his great grief.

At that his friend Eliphaz, the Temanite, spoke up, saying in effect, “Wow! How the mighty have fallen. You must have sinned big! If I were in your sandals I’d confess it to God.”

These were very wordy conversations, I’m paraphrasing, but in essence Job replied, “Don’t you see my anguish, and NO, I have not denied God. Can you prove I have sinned?”

Then Bildad jumps in with, “You’re blustering. Where there is smoke there is a fire. Confess your sin to God, and soon you’ll be laughing again.”

Job replied, “I know all that, but consider how great and awesome God is; who can really do frank business with Him?”

Then he turns to God and does ask a lot of frank questions about things he can’t understand. In all of this Job shows that he grasped the greatness, the mystery and the power of God.

Now Zophar the Naamanthite can’t resist accusing Job of mocking God. “You are talking way-way too intimately with God. Get back into your submissive role, and get rid of the sin in your life. Then you can forget all your troubles and lie down secure and unafraid.”

Joe retorts sarcastically, “Sure, all wisdom is going to die with you! Well, I have a mind too, and eyes to see how people are laughing at me. Just look at nature though. There’s all kinds of evidence that God is a wise and thoughtful Being, besides being powerful. I’d rather dwell on His sovereignty.”

He addresses God again, “I know You are profoundly great. I just wish I could talk things over with You and find out what’s going on here in my life, and why! I do believe there is no point in life aside from Your intervention and authority. Is there life after death? I think so…”

Friend Eliphaz the Temanite cuts Job off with, “Oh, you think you are so smart! You’re condemning yourself with your own words. Stop venting your rage against God. Listen, I’ll tell you how it really is–”

Read the rest of the article at Job’s Friends in Calamity

[Note: if you missed any articles in this series of article on Friendships in the Bible, and want to read them, you'll find them all linked from this index which is about Friendship]

You may think you could never have a good friendship with authority figures, but Esther’s story proves that wrong. She was an orphan, raised by her older cousin Mordecai, in a foreign land, where they were captives brought in from Israel. Hadassah, known as Esther in this story, grew up respecting and admiring her father figure, Mordecai.

It seems they had a close and loving relationship, for when Esther was swooped up in a royal raid of all the beautiful young maidens in the land to live in the king’s harem, Mordecai paced back and forth just outside the royal gates, to watch for any news of Esther.

In the harem, Esther quickly won the favour of Hegai, the eunuch in charge. He saw to it that she got extra beauty treatments and special food. In fact, each girl had to go through a twelve month beauty program before she even was taken to the king for the first time. Esther obediently cooperated and did as Hegai advised.

When each girl’s turn came, she was allowed to take along to the king whatever she wanted. I suppose some took the equivalent of their favourite teddy bear, or wore a perfume they were sure would WOW the king, or some good luck jewelry. Esther took only what Hegai advised.

She did please King Xerxes. A lot. After that one night stand, she was crowned queen and moved to his concubines’ harem. Here she was under the care of another eunuch, Shaashgaz.

Lest we think that getting along with all these authority figures shows Esther to be weak and pliable we need to read the rest of her story in the Bible.

Sitting at the king’s gate, Mordecai over-heard a plot of the guards to overthrow the king. He got word to Queen Esther who reported it to the king. The king investigated it and disposed of the guards, but forgot to give credit where due.

When the wicked Haman tricked the king into signing an edict that would allow for the slaughter of all Jews on a certain date Mordecai sat in sackcloth and ashes by the gate, so Esther sent out clothes and food to him.

Mordecai asked Esther to speak to the king. Esther insisted on three days of intensive prayer first, and requested that all the other Jews in Susa should join in this fast too. Then she went to the King with a banquet invitation for him and also Haman. She invited them to a second banquet, where she perceived the timing to be right, and told her husband, the King, of Haman’s plot to destroy all her people. Esther believed in action, but only when the stage was set and the timing just right. Even in her plea she had the respect of her husband/king.

We in turn, respect Esther for her humility, grace and discernment. Yet, becoming just like her may seem impossible to us. It shouldn’t be, unless we try to be all that in our own strength and nature.

Humility is gained by understanding the awesome sovereignty of God, and how small and dependent we are on His grace. Grace become part of our character when we forgive others as readily as we know God has forgiven us. Discernment grows in us as we learn to seek God’s view and wisdom on every issue and with every person we meet. We just become more Christ-like - or, we have humility, grace and discernment just like Esther.

Yes, it is possible to have a unique type of friendship with the authority figures in our lives.

[Note: if you missed any articles in this series of article on Friendships in the Bible, and want to read them, you'll find them all linked from this index which is about Friendship]

Rehoboam succeeded his father Solomon as king. Then the citizens went to the new king Rehoboam and said, “Your father put a heavy yoke on us, but now lighten the harsh labour and the heavy yoke and he put on us, and we will serve you.”

I get the impression Solomon forgot to groom his son for his role as king, because young king Rehoboam asked for three days time and then he would give them an answer.

First he asked his father’s elders, who counseled him to do as the people asked. Then he asked his own friends with whom he had grown up. They advised him to say, “My little finger is thicker than my father’s waist. My father laid on you a heavy yoke; I will make it even heavier. My father scourged you with whips; I will scourge you with scorpions.”

Young Rehoboam decided to go with the answer of his young rebel friends. That was not so smart. This heir king, in sharp contrast, was not as wise as his father, Solomon.

The Israelites went home, telling everyone, “We’re on our own. Rehoboam is not our king.” They called Jeroboam out of exile in Egypt to an assembly and made him their king.

It’s a bit tricky to keep these similar names sorted out. Rehoboam was the son of King Solomon. Jeroboam’s father was an official under Solomon and came from the village of Zeredah. As a young man Jeroboam had showed so much leadership ability that Solomon had hired him too, and put him in charge his fortifications and public works projects. He also was put in charge of the levy or taxes from the house of Joseph. When the people were disappointed in Rehoboam, (the regal) they turned to Jeroboam (the jealous) to fix things.

Jeroboam’s approach was to organize a larger rebellion, and let the people make him king over the larger portion, Israel.

Suddenly Rehoboam was only king over Jerusalem and it’s immediate area. He managed to muster the tribe of Benjamin and was making ready for war against Jeroboam and the rest of Israel when a man of God strongly advised them to go home and not fight against their brothers in Israel. So they went home.

I say hurrah for a man of God who urges against fighting our own kith and kin!

Jeroboam was not perfect either. He was afraid the people would go back to King Rehoboam, so he set up two golden calves and placed one in Bethel and one in Dan, so that the people would not go to Jerusalem to worship and there get to know Rehoboam and be drawn to his side. This back-fired on him when God sent a prophet to warn him that He was going to wipe out all his descendants, and this altar he was at would be split open and the ashes poured out as a confirmation.

This whole story has me thinking about the dangers of peer pressure. A young generation does not understand that the more experienced people will have more practical and solid advice. They follow their peers’ tastes, thoughts and example. They cannot imagine that the older people might have more wisdom.

Those of us “over the hill” have to admit that when we were in our teens and twenties we were very clever in our own eyes too. Nor were we willing to learn from our parents and grandparents. But that condemned us to learning from our own mistakes, repeating the wrongs the previous generations committed. How few from each generation learn instead from the one that went before.

Perhaps the whole moral of this story is for the youths who are tender of conscience and open to counsel from seniors. You will spare yourself so much trouble and heartache - even huge defeats - if you will hear out what your parents, grandparents and those of their generation have to tell you.

Whose advice do you seek out first? At any age we need to be careful and weigh the words of all our advisors against God’s Word, the ultimate in perfect counsel.

[Note: if you missed any articles in this series of article on Friendships in the Bible, and want to read them, you'll find them all linked from this index which is about Friendship]

Sometimes people come into our lives for a while and basically check us out. Do they want us for a friend or not? At first they go by what they have heard about us, but these maybe-friends want to meet us and judge for themselves.

Often they will stand in the church foyer or your place of work and ask some questions and show themselves friendly. They may even give you something, or take you out for coffee or for lunch. Sometimes they even find a reason to come visit you at home.

It may not always be the rich Queen of Sheba that comes calling as was the case in King Solomon’s life, but studying her visit may be helpful to us.

This independently wealthy woman and government leader had heard down in Ethiopia, her own country, of the wealth and wisdom of King Solomon, and she came to check him out, her long retinue bearing gifts to give him.

Her gifts and praise must have impressed and tickled dear Sol, for he showed her all his own wealth and gave her rich presents too. It says in 1 Kings 10:13, “King Solomon gave the queen of Sheba all she desired and asked for, besides what he had given her out of his royal bounty. Then she left with her retinue to her own country.”

When someone gives us presents we tend to reciprocate, don’t we? The more we have the more or larger our gifts, right?

(Should we really give our friends everything they desire, or only if we can afford their desires? Or is there better wisdom in this regard?)

This particular Bible story doesn’t tell us exactly what we should do regarding gift-giving among friends, but it appears that Solomon was accustomed to receiving gifts. I Kings 10:25 says, “Year after year, everyone who came brought a gift - articles of silver and gold, robes, weapons and spices, and horses and mules.” Folks just knew to bring a gift if they were going to come into his presence. No wonder he became the richest man in the world.

That was all very exciting and pleasurable in the beginning, but later he wrote the books of Proverbs and Ecclesiastes and there he denounced the getting of wealth as vanity of vanities. It wasn’t a lasting, meaningful pleasure.

Many others have found this true. If we have friends just for the sake of the gifts they bring us, we will eventually find life meaningless as well. Lasting friendships that we will value and treasure in our hearts and memories must be based on more than gift exchanges.

So before we dash off – what is the answer? How should we deal with potential friends who are checking us out?

[Note: this is an extra long article. You can read the whole thing on this page;
When the Queen of Sheba Comes Calling

[Note: if you missed any articles in this series of article on Friendships in the Bible, and want to read them, you'll find them all linked from this index which is about Friendship]

King Solomon started out so nobly with such a fine request when God said, “Ask for whatever you want and I will give it to you.” He asked for wisdom to be a wise ruler. God was so pleased with that request He gave him wealth and fame and honour besides.

However, as often happens when we ride on the air stream of success, we soon take some mis-steps and end up tumbling into the gutter.

In Solomon’s case, he had a weakness for women. As he conquered the foreign kings around Israel, he usually worked into the deal, besides the heavy taxes he charged them, that he should get one or more of their princesses to marry.

I Kings 11:3 tells us that he had 700 wives of royal birth and 300 concubines. That’s a lot of women friends to love! (Or don’t wives count as friends?)

As he grew older they begged for altars and temples to their own gods and he yielded to them. This led not only Solomon but many Israelites away from worshiping the one true God. The Lord became angry at Solomon for this and promised to wrest the kingdom away from his son.

You can have too many friends, at least if they are of the kind that will lead you astray from God.

Some people have a great need to be liked, so they are friendly and outgoing and get excited whenever they make a new acquaintance who seems to admire them.

Yet such of us are in a unique danger of being misled by these new friends, if we do not have the moral stamina to stand by our convictions. Knowing this, it is better to limit our friendships to those few individuals that we know will not lead us astray but will strengthen our faith in God and us in our walk with Him.

Ultimately, making the Lord our Best Friend, and giving Him quality time to teach us through His Word and His Holy Spirit is the best safe-guard to keep us from going astray. If we know we are weak and easily swayed, we can give ourselves extra protection by avoiding time spent with those that disregard our Best Friend, the Lord Jesus. Let our motto be: I’ll be polite to everyone, but I’ll only associate informally with friends of my Best Friend, Jesus.

Leave the friendship evangelism to those who are stronger in faith and practice, or seek to grow and become more mature first yourself.

David, the shepherd boy, had to deal with rejection many times in his life, so his friendship with prince Jonathan, son of King Saul, stands out for all its sharp contrasts.

David’s father forgot him when he was presenting his sons to Samuel at a feast. (The one where God wanted David anointed as the next king of Israel). His brothers picked on him when he was sent by their father to their army camp, with food and a need for information about the war.

After David killed the giant Goliath with his slingshot the general public praised and sang about him, but King Saul grew more and more jealous and cruel - even vindictive, throwing his spear at David when in a foul mood. Saul did that more than once.

Yes, in the midst of all this negative pressure from authority figures, David was blessed with a friendship with Jonathan.

Jonathan grew up in the palace, as heir apparent, and had lots of self-confidence and liked adventure. Once, he and his armour bearer made a sneak attack on the Philistines’ camp - ‘just in case’ they would be successful. (They were!)

Another time in war, his father, King Saul, had decreed that no one in the army would eat until the evening. Jonathan had not heard this, so when he found some honey he had some and his eyes brightened with fresh energy. He shared some with the soldiers near him. When his father discovered this he wanted his son killed, but the soldiers defended him and credited the day’s victory to his deed. So he was spared.

Jonathan admired and respected David. They became good friends.

David told Jonathan that Saul was out to kill him, which Jonathan didn’t want to believe at first, but they agreed David would not show up at the king’s table for a couple of days. Jonathan promised to pay attention to his father’s reaction, and come to this field to give David a message by how he shot an arrow and sent a boy to fetch it. Jonathan also asked David to spare his life and those of his family if this should be true.

The second day King Saul was so furious about David’s absence that he hurled his spear at Jonathan! The prince left the table without eating and knowing in his heart, that David was going to be the next king. They met in the field and played out the game with the arrows, but then Jonathan sent the boy home with the arrows and stayed for a tearful farewell from David.

From there David went into the hills and rallied a small army that moved around and tried to avoid King Saul’s raids. Eventually David’s patience and faith that God would bring him to the throne in His time paid off, and in a battle with the Philistines, King Saul fell on his own sword and two of his three sons, including Jonathan, were killed in that battle as well.

David mourned their deaths, and in the course of time was anointed king of Judah. When things settled down to peace, he sent to look for any of Jonathan’s descendants. One small crippled boy was found, and he was brought to live in David’s palace like one of his own family. It was David’s way of honouring his dear friend Jonathan.

When I study the Bible I look for personal applications or lessons to draw from it. What is more obvious here than this example of loyalty to our friends?

From Jonathan I learn the humility to admit when a friend is a rising star and will eclipse me in what I had thought was to be my own role or position. He did not resent or envy David when he realized that God intended to put David on the throne next. Nor do I think he dishonoured his own father, the king, when he went to warn David that it was not safe to come back to the palace, that his life was in danger. It was simply the right thing to do.

David honoured his friend by seeking out for anyone left from Jonathan’s family to whom he could show kindness for his friend’s sake. This reminds me to be kind to the family and friends of my dear friends. I may not choose them as my intimate friends, but I want to show respect to them because of my love for my close friends.

What an illustration this is of Jesus, the Prince of Peace, who gave His life so that we could come to live in His Father’s Palace - in Heaven! It is possible for us to have this Prince for a friend too. He will always treat us royally and be a devoted, never failing Friend.

Do you help your friend get ahead, even at the cost of your own position, especially if you can see it is God’s will? Do you honour and respect those your friend loves, for the sake of your friend, or your memories of that friend?

Say, do you have a friendship with the Prince of Peace, Jesus? Do you seek out those of His family to be kind to them?

[Note: if you missed any articles in this series of article on Friendships in the Bible, and want to read them, you'll find them all linked from this index which is about Friendship]

It doesn’t take long to read the story of Ruth in the Bible. But do the specific details begin to blur in our minds? We may start to assume that Ruth knew she would marry Boaz in the end, when she vowed to her mother-in-law that she would never leave her, or Naomi’s people and God. A fresh re-reading has reminded me that Ruth did not know the outcome at the time she made that famous pledge of loyalty and devotion. A pledge that has often been used at weddings.

“Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me.”

This vow shows one of the strongest degrees of friendship. That it is between a young woman and her mother-in-law tells me that it is not reserved only for a marriage, but for any friendship.

As a poor widow, Ruth qualified for the provision in Israelite law, that the poor could glean by hand after the reapers. This led to extra kindness from the landowner, Boaz. As Naomi quickly pointed out - he was a potential kinsman-redeemer besides.

So Ruth appealed to him for protection, and by law this included marriage. Boaz made sure he was in legal position to do so and then he accepted the option to redeem her deceased husband’s property, and produce an heir for his bloodline. Naturally, he gained a bride that he admired and was ready to love as his own wife.

The observation I make here today is that Ruth’s pledge of devotion to her mother-in-law-friend, Naomi, led to this other friendship that greatly benefited and blessed her with happiness. This happens to faithful friends all the time. Those who are a true and loyal friend in one relationship will gain others and continue to be a great friend in each instance. They usually do not go fawning on everyone they meet, but if they have one fine friendship, and if they choose to be your friend, you can know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your heart is safe with them. They will bless you and not hurt you the rest of their lives.

This encourages me to look about for such people. One of the best ways to attract such friends is to resolve to be a loyal and true friend like that ourselves.

Let’s review the friendships we already have. Where we can improve one by a change in our behaviour, let’s give it a try. We need to practice some where. Where a friendship is unhealthy let’s abandon it as quickly and quietly as we can.

If we have no friends whatsoever, let’s look around for someone who needs a friend, even for just a few minutes. Let’s practice a thoughtful kindness to them, and see if our live doesn’t open up into new directions.

You already know what it means to be ruthless. Instead, be a Ruth - her name means a loyal, compassionate friend. I like that meaning, so I wear my name gladly.

[Note: if you missed any articles in this series of article on Friendships in the Bible, and want to read them, you'll find them all linked from this index which is about Friendship]

You’ve probably heard of Samson in Israel in the days before they first had a king, right? He was the miracle son born to a barren, elderly couple, all in a dither about how to raise him. Their son was born with amazing physical strength. But Samson had some flaws.

He made friends very easily with lovely young women. But he also had a weakness for their tears and pleading. A number of times, like a stupid, blind animal, he walked into a trap set by these women. Samson would get mad and exert his physical strength to kill a number of Philistine people just to get even.

The first time he insisted on marrying a girl in Timnah. At the seven-day wedding feast he asked a riddle that the girl’s male friends could not answer so they got the young bride to cry and nag it out of Samson. He gave in on the seventh day, she told the friends, and they gave him the answer. The prize for the answer was thirty outfits of clothes, so Samson went to another town nearby, killed thirty men, and brought back their clothes. Then he left in a huff.

The bride’s father gave her away to his best man. When Samson cooled off he went back to his wife. When he discovered the switch he lost his temper again, and tied foxes tails together, lit them with firebrands, and set them down into the Philistine’s fields to ruin their crops.

His own countrymen came to him in his cave and pleaded to tie him up and offer him to the Philistines, Samson agreed, but once he was in the enemy camp, he picked up the jawbone of an ass, and slaughtered 1000 Philistine men!

I marvel at two things; that any other woman would desire Samson’s friendship, and how God could use his temper tantrums to avenge His people against their oppressive enemies.

His next woman friend was Delilah, a prostitute in Gaza. She likely wanted the money promised from her political leaders in Gaza more than Samson’s love. She asked quite directly, “What would it take to tie you up, Samson, and make you weak as any other man?”

How he was so dense that he did not hear the threat in that question, I don’t know. He led her along for a bit and teased her with the wrong answers, but each time the men of Gath came and tried the very answer he had given her.

Finally Delilah wore him down, and he gave her the right answer. His strength lay in keeping his Nazarite vow, and not having his hair cut. The clever woman recognized it immediately as the truth and assured her Gath friends - they would get him, when she had cut off his hair.

We still see people today who blindly trust their false friends, and end up with messed up lives and marriages. Maybe you and I can think of times we have trusted someone because we wanted so much to be liked by them. We did not see we were being taken advantage of by those friends.

Does one bad experience teach us to be more discrete and cautious in the next friendship? Not always. Very often we end up sacrificing the very thing that gives us strength from God. Even our faith and obedience to His commandments.

We might want to blame it on our parents or original family. In Samson’s case, his elderly parents may have spoiled him, and allowed him his temper tantrums, and kept him from making friends early on, but the Bible doesn’t lay any blame on them. God still holds us accountable for our own actions and decisions when we are adults.

All we can do when we have blown it, is to come humbly to God, confess our sins, and receive forgiveness and new strength to go on. Samson did.

In the end he pulled down the pillars that held up a large public arena where the Philistines were celebrating his capture. In his death he killed thousands of the Philistines who had oppressed Israel for so long.

There is always a second chance for those who repent and admit they have gone wrong. But my advice is - don’t fall for friends that use you and then try to solve problems by getting revenge. Learn to pick caring, trustworthy friends and work and helping each other to do better.

[These articles are also used in the Friendship section: RoseBouquet, on my site. Sometimes with illustrations.]